“Being a chav is a cultural decision. Hari is wrong to portray it as a working-class phenomenon, and wrong to portray all working-class people as chavs. “Chav” is simply a post-modern urban tribe, no different from goth, trendies or indie kids. The rivalry between the groups isn’t based on inverse class war. Teenagers feel happy when they can identify with their peers, and a common gang enemy is useful in forming that bond. Stop being so patronising, you middle-class snob.” Huw Lemmey, Penrith, Cumbria

Yes, “chav”, if we have to use the word, is a state of mind, not a biological preset. I’d bet that these two nowists are not from poor households who have more excuse, but nevertheless they insist on behaving like the lumpen consumerat – all modern slang, twisted values (and jeans), street gestures and populist values, topped up by a barely restrained undercurrent of racism. “End of”. Reasoning that one of them would go last week, these avatars of ignorance embarked on a campaign to get seriously noticed with their faux-shagging exploits. An insatiable thirst for publicity (it’s got no better since, mind).

Axewell needs a 12-step programme of enlightenment, and a punch in the face. He willingly reduced our sick modern culture down to the twin towers of “drinking and watching football – but it's brilliant innit”. Science, also a twat, one who sees the future through hip-hop spectacles, will do well to continue to wind him up with his skits and loops...

All of which coincided with a text I received when soliciting opinion about Geordies… “inbred, incestuous, pedophilic, racist, illiterate, uncultured, unintelligible scum…”

…and Viz creator/cartoonist Chris Donald’s confused programme about the state of the Geordie nation. In it he seemed to lament the bourgeoisfication of Newcastle and Gateshead, with Baltic centres here and chrome bars there, as it led to a loss of the Toon’s unique nature. Then he realised this uniqueness beget the pointless violence and mindless boozing of the Bigg Market (so big it earned an extra g), leading to the place becoming a stag tour paradise. The area’s redevelopment has made it just like Manchester, Leeds or Liverpool, but I think he even realised that the place was just a big booze alley filled with people with a different accent; and now it’s going for a different kind of homogeneity. Reet uncanny.

All of which confusion seemed to confirm the maxim: It doesn’t matter who you are and where are you’re from – all are eligible to have ASBOs slapped on their arse. Equally, all of us can “get cultured”, even Biffa Bacon and the Fat Slags.

The Friday Project, in a piece about MPs’ recent witless imbroiling with the street culture, summed things up nicely: “People don’t hate the underclass or the poor, they hate chavs. The state of chav is not merely about having laughable dress sense, a kid at 14 and no GCSEs, it’s about being a pest. It’s about lolling around pissed on the top deck of the bus, shouting and generally intimidating other passengers, something you can do with impunity because you’ve got your crew of other chavs with you.

“To most people, the term chav doesn’t just mean Burberry and bling, it means ASBOs and petty criminality. The rest of the population know this, but not MPs, who’ve taken calling people chavs to be some sort of non-racial racism against the poor. Of course it is. And people think Richard Blackwood isn't funny because he’s black...” Where does this leave "them" in the political process? Opinions on their disenfranchisement will perform part 2 of this feature....