‘Hamas is now the democratically elected government of the Palestinians'. When every mainstream politician or hack still feels obliged to trundle out this when it has technically been in power for six months, you know that reportage and commentary on the Israeli-Palestinian crisis is so skewed as to be worthless. Yes it is in power, but it's more pertinent to say it has been powerless and penniless for that half-year due to punitive sanctions. "Er, we can pay government employees, but not through the government."

This stance pertains to situations other than the political paralysis in Ramallah and Gaza City. I mean why paint the ongoing acts of violence as a ‘vicious cycle of revenge by either side' when it's really resistance and a nationalist struggle on one side and their denial on the other. Why don't we call the bombing of a power plant and other infrastructure ‘acts of war'?

The Israeli invasion and completely illegal kidnapping of democratically elected Palestinian government officials mock selective commentary. No one in the international community will do anything about it because the stolen Israeli soldier and murdered settler (he was only 18 - much older than some of the Palestinians killed in Jenin, ad infinitum) provide the Israelis with motive and justification in this most excellent (for them) war on terror adjunct. The ‘revenge cycle' is wearyingly familiar: constant Israeli physical, economic, cultural, political and infrastructural violence; pathetically symbolic Palestinian attacks 'on' Israel; massive overreaction among the Israeli army's military experimenters (like the leaflet drops last night telling Palestinians to evacuate certain areas -very Stalingrad); international community react to taste; impotence and increasing irrelevance (was that a whoop from the Sharon Death Circus?) of international media exposed again.

Here in the UK, the brand of neutered criticism of Israeli occupation and policies, when the official govt position is unusually to the left of the US in their wish for Palestinian statehood, is alive and well. And just as in America with the omniscient AIPAC shakers, scanning every last word of the infinite media for infelicities to the cause, any BBC report or piece deemed too favourable to Falastin is deemed outrageously biased. There's an adjournment debate on 4 July entitled 'Israel and the war against terror', secured by the ridiculous Michael Fabricant. This will provide the UK government's reaction to the latest stage in Middle East animosities.

The Israelis are military Mengeles. Perhaps that's not an especially helpful comment but then arresting a, wait for it, ‘democratically elected government' and casually slaughtering civilians as often as possible in order to guarantee further Israeli and Palestinian casualties is not entirely constructive either. And then there's God's ever ready gunmen and it only takes one of these Manchurian candidates to obliterate progressive argument (in the media first and then most of the rest of both societies). "Mind you don't start shagging death like them suicide exploders. I'm not throwing a seven for no god," said the new defence secretary last week, typically unhelpfully.

It's time to get back to fundamentals, which is that the Palestinians have an inalienable right to a state and the Israelis are still contravening international law, despite Israeli and US efforts to degrade this concept. No amount of Israel making this state practically unviable or myopic commentary can disguise this. Israel has the right to protect itself, but it's protecting itself from an inevitable outcome. "During this latest conflagration we need to look to maintain calm and look ways to pull back from the brink...blah blah blah.' Shut up. So ignore the vast majority of commentary and reportage on the situation, because it is wanking over a mass grave.

***************** News just in, this top-secret document signed by Ehud Olmert and George Bush has been unearthed from Yasser Arafat's grave. It suggests ten ways to ‘normalise' Gaza and the West Bank, that is make it a modern, consumer and contiguous neutralised nation...

* make Gaza and the West Bank Gulf-style emirates with moderate Sunni leaders (client state? Pliant state!)

* tap the offshore gas of Gaza as a nationalised industry that charges Palestinian customers double

* Build huge Dubai-style hotel and leisure developments along Gaza beach with the proceeds (ps - remember to covertly allow drug running, prostitution, snooker players and counterfeiting)

* Rehabilitate the West Bank casino plans, and rebrand the territory as a mountain retreat in the mould of Yellowstone Park ("Sick of Vegas? You can West Bank on us". Get BryanAir to fly direct to both areas for 6p return and a Netanyahoo cigar

* Regular weapon amnesties with campaigns fronted by Asian CIA recruits and Arab members of the Israeli army acting the role of reformed hoodz

* Join the territories up via a huge transport network so massive lorries and other goods suppliers can access each retail zone

* Donald Trump to offer to match Hamas' investment in education and welfare and implement public-private partnerships for all public procurement projects

* Sell the Interior Ministry records and inmates to Wal-Mart. Release Barghouti every afternoon to argue and fight with compatriots or settlers in a pen with ring-side seats ($4.50 cap on tickets - it's gots [sic] to be a winner)

* Make a heritage industry out of the terrorist years ("and this is where Yasser first struck the deal with Mossad to clear assassinations of Palestinians with him first...")