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Cull Blog
Our all-in-one successor to political peccadillo, sonic truth and meeja hoors.

It's asphyx! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Akramonious   
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
The recent verdict that Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer died of natural causes put the shat amongst the pigeons for the media, the Jamaican police force (diligently led by ex-Brit fuzz Mark Shields) and the sporting world. Right from the start this had been set up as a more than likely to be a twisted revenge act by the Pakistan players in the fallout of their alleged throwing of the Ireland match (not a game the former World Champions are expected to lose). Tied in with this assessment was all sorts of dodgy expectations of what ‘they' would be capable of, fuelled by no more than crude associations with their, again presumed, religion and the country of birth: Karachi killers, Islamic bomb owners, Taleban fosterers, it's proper ‘tribal' out there, they must have strangled him before praying to Mohammed bin Laden, or something. And if it was natural causes, it would have been triggered by the ignominy of the Irish managing to defeat the, er, Islamist cheats. Well not quite.

When I mentioned the verdict to my cricket man in-the-know, he was still not convinced: "Wouldn't like to speculate what really happened to Woolmer. Least likely natural causes though," he said. This is the man who "still stands" by the line that Woolmer had asked captain Inzamam ul-Haq and co to swear on the Quran that they didn't throw the Ireland game and the rest was, er, wristory. Considering anyone with any knowledge of the game would allege straight away that the game was fixed by global betting syndicates with the players handsomely recompensed for their embarrassment, clearly many of the team could benefit from hiding behind the outrageous fortune of divine providence.
 
The Paki-bashing Islamophobia led us to wholly inappropriate conclusions about the players himself. Ascetic Islamists this team weren't: "Mushtaq Ahmed [bowling coach brought in by Inzy for world cup] is proper corrupt. Played against him about 10 years ago in a charity game. This so called strict Muslim rocks up with a hooker in a leopard skin miniskirt pissed out of his face. He collapsed on the pitch drunk and lay there asleep."

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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 27 June 2007 )
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Parental guidance PDF Print E-mail
Written by Beaumont Fiskle   
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
"Never take a mini-break in Europe with children," said my old academic friend Adolph McGroot, now teaching the gospel at Lynchburg in Virginia. I couldn't have put it better myself.

He was referring to the parents of ‘Maddy' McCann, the young 6-year-old child missing somewhere on planet earth. It seems they may have taken Ady's words a little too literally last month, not only losing one of their brood because they were too hungry to wait for a meal to be delivered to their apartment, but then embarking on an extensive European tour drumming up interest and awareness about the lost girl without their remaining twin children. The nouveau riche have a skewed sense of morality.

Kate and Gerry, the girl's unfortunate parents (tests show hardly anyone remembers their names), then downsized the kidhunt to allow time for grieving. Well they didn't let us know, their press team did. Sorry guys, but when your kid's been snatched the sobbing usually comes automatically and uncontrollably for most of us.

When I look at my children I do so through a screen - just in case. For if anything is to be learnt by the common man (not so much the mothers but they should still wear large safety gloves when handling the kids) from this latest chapter in the paedo tomb, it is this: who knows what's out there?

If little Maddy had fallen to her death in the sea or through a concealed engineering duct, we would all be breathing sighs of relief and we could return to our normal lives. But the lack of evidence has produced a deficit of closure and a veritable 'Maddython' of shared misery, intrusion and ignorance of due process. Our normal lives are gone - taken from us by that same monster who has probably taken that poor child to Morocco or some other hellish pit of amoral degradation that I wouldn't visit if you paid me.

No longer can we walk down the road without seeing this Madeleine's pitiable face looking out at us from the front windows of many responsible houses. I applaud those homeowners who have worn ribbons, erected shrines, stuck up appeals and stared suspiciously at strangers since our Maddy went missing. If I had the keys to the Treasury, I would pay them to carry on doing their work, which is vital to the safe return of our girl.

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Mitchell & Webb look quaint to US PC moguls PDF Print E-mail
Written by Tock mantrum   
Thursday, 07 June 2007
Microsoft's Gates and Apple's Big Jobs were interviewed by two techy bloggers on stage a few weeks ago. During the course of their back-slapping the Microtoss Pista man and Apple's Big Jobs mentioned the little Brit comics who star in the Apple adverts, Robert Webb as Mac and David Mitchell as PC

Interviewer I: Although you know what? I have to confess, I like PC guy.

Interviewer I: Yeah, he's great.

Interviewer I: Yeah, I like him. The young guy, I want to pop him.

Jobs: The art of those commercials is not to be mean, but it's actually for the guys to like each other. Thanks. PC guy is great. Got a big heart.

Gates: His mother loves him.

Jobs: His mother loves him.

Interviewer I: I'm telling you, I like PC guy totally much better.

Jobs: Wow.

Interviewer I
: I do. I don't know why. He's endearing. The other guy's a jackass.

Jobs: PC guy's what makes it all work, actually.

Us: They're, like, totally assimilated now. They keep coming with tedious sketch shows, the nth series of Peepshow (with less peep) and star as magicians in films that you won't see in America. The last series had its moments, and in that manifestation of their partnership there's still a future for them, albeit as the standard bearers of pathetic Brit Man. If that's what they want. And they probably do want, for a fee.

Gates: Duh, figures.

Us: Indeed Bill, they can be seen as the paradigm of the careerist comedians - corporealists who, though not without occasional flashes of an interesting worldview and something other to offer than the usual wretched entertainment, say to themselves: 'We're on the ladder now. i quite like the ladder. I'm going to cling on for good even though my hands will really hurt, because each rung I reach seems to offer me cashmoney. And imperial wars and McDonalds adverts are all good. Thanks.'

Jobs: Shame, really.Write Comment (611 Comments)
Last Updated ( Thursday, 07 June 2007 )
Stateless awkwards PDF Print E-mail
Written by Muzlan   
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
Update: Better late than never but only Indy readers and Znetters would have accessed one of the few bits of substantive comment.

it's Arab hammer time again. The Israel Defence Force and the Lebanese Army are pounding Gaza Hamas targets and refugee camp 'Fatah al-Honest' targets in north Leb. In both cases, the convention not to enter these zones means indiscriminate bombing of those civvies is the appropriate response, and of course creates a space to allow excessive incursion when enough violent resistance has been generated. Ratcheting up of permanent conflict? Welcome back to the Middle East, Portugal kiddy snatch watchers.

Of course, there have always been several tracks to the Middle East problem, capable of generating a similar amount of myths of perception: Syrian involvement corrupts Lebanese affairs; Israeli goading and encouraging Phalangist phucks and the Sunni does not. Similar to: Iranian fighting UK/US in Iraq; four years of military presence in Iraq of UK/US has only ever been to establish democracy.

Take that hyperlinked example from the Boston, Mass rag: Conjecture and innuendo presented as fact that is contradicted later in the same article, pointing out that the group’s leader links to the Syrian state are absolute Ed Balls - if anything he is on the run from them. Fair and balanced journalism: it gives the reader/listener the opportunity to be selective about which bits they wish to acknowledge. Total info jerk-off. Either way, Al-Absi is manna from an extremist Judaeo-Christian heaven (featuring St Peter on Uzi and Moses on cluster bombs).

Last year's Israeli assault on the south, sorry all, of Lebanon because Israel misjudged the need for a regional contretemps (there's always offs in the territories) provides obvious context here, with the more deluded end of the Hamas PR machine saying ‘if Israel escalate it any further then we'll happily do the same as Hezbollah last year'. It's astonishing that the conflict last summer has been broadly portrayed as an Israeli defeat. Because they don't now occupy southern Lebanon? Because they had some soldiers killed in military action? Because rockets are still being fired into Israel?

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Last Updated ( Saturday, 26 May 2007 )
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Who makes the market? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Almiraaj   
Wednesday, 25 April 2007
Work at one current office den is a fascinating insight into the very essence of the market. They cover a ‘sector' wherein many different products are sold at industrial level, on and through the ‘value chain'.

What's being manufactured is necessarily of specialist concern; these are not end-products for the consumer put a fair few stages back. Basically, a few companies make it and a few sell it, and prices go up and down. Inevitably, if any particular product gets too popular, higher profits are sought, costs are analysed to hell and those areas of the world that get hold of the original product the cheapest win out. Yet, each product's industry is cottage, a few on each side of the buy-s[M]ell mnemonic, maybe a few middle-men traders.

But it's the approach of the publication covering the industry, ie, their representation of it, that is revealing. The reporters if anything are the self-appointed market movers. They tell their little clique of makers and vendors the talk of others' prices, what they have ‘been hearing', true or not, ‘in the market.'

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Last Updated ( Thursday, 26 April 2007 )
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