Home
|
Newsflash |
|
Once in a generation a figure of truly world-historical proportions emerges. Cull is happy to announce that we have found that man. He is "Dr." Jack Wheeler, and you can find him here. This represents the locus classicus of the cyberlit nutjob genre - Cull is about to launch a whores' gallery and jaco is already a honorary member. We recommend that you click on Find about more about Jack Wheeler and peruse some of this great man's work - particularly the cogent and urgent The Suicidal Liberal Mind article. "It is envy that makes a Communist, Nazi, or Moslem Terrorist. It is the fear of being envied that makes a liberal." Off the heezy man! |
|
|
Written by Dodger Alton
|
|
Tuesday, 20 May 2008 |
A "How to" Guide to giving away How to Guides
Includes all the basics of devising, developing and marketing a surefire winner of a free supplement.
Learn "How To":
* Cynically exploit market research
* Crudely research the findings of academics into pithy précis
* Use paper in a way totally at odds with the brand's pro-environment image
* Separate the precious cargo in a plastic bag all of its own
* Irritate readers most of whom now recognise that Times-style bigger isn't necessarily better
* Cultivate that true Clapham omnibus approach - be down with the kids, the youth, fifty-quid man, yummy-mummy, the nifty 50s, Worcester Wanker, anal virgins, Mondeo Mange etc.
In addition, Our How To into "How To" Guides comes free this week with:
How to... Be A Consumer
The first among equals of consumpti-companions is a 16-part series available on the first Wednesday of every third week, but not the second Thursday of each fifth concurrent week (co-axially!)
Includes extracts from Tony Parsons' brilliant new book: Why Consumers Is Class:
Chapter One - I Thought the Law
"Billy always thought of himself as different. Every time he went down the Spar his brain would flex out to the sound of the latest Walls bangers commercial. He knew these things mattered to the working classes he had been born with but, somehow, his world was going to be better and if his friends wanted to catch a ride, they were welcome to but they'd better have their fares ready...
Next week: Billy imagines a race of small businessmen with FTSE 100 tattoos.
Hot stuff ay y'all peeps?
And you'll surely jack your eroti-body all over this poster:
Consumer Types - match the letters to the celebrity and move forward to Michael Barrymore's Bargain House for a few consumer surprises!
Don't worry. We haven't forgotten the CD either Martin Clunes reads
Buying Shrewd: 20 Steps to Consumer Nirvana
Not completely satisfied? Then email here to be ignored by our exclusive NO monitor - it detects a reason not to reply before you've thought it, so you don't even have to think about it!
|
|
Written by Administrator
|
|
Monday, 14 April 2008 |
The image below is of the local Crofton school having its perfectly serviceable social modernist buildings being slighted to make way for the predictably bland new Labour stylings of this rebranded 'specialist arts academy'.
As you can see I had no chance of entering into the old heart of the school, although I was prefectly free to wander like a paedo or drug dealer around the area of the newbuilds. There is going to be some funky blue patterns, but this one is pure Swindon Business Park vernacular.
The Lewisham mayor came to this part of SE4 the other week, to help unveil a new "jewel in the crown" called a new "learning resource centre".
I believe these things used to be "schools".
|
|
Last Updated ( Monday, 14 April 2008 )
|
|
|
Written by Statsanddata
|
|
Wednesday, 19 March 2008 |
Lately stolen reaction from industry insiders to the events of King Abdullah's state visit to London last year...
Hullo John,
My sources tell me you were more than cordial at the state banquet held for King Abdullah and co, sitting next to the Queen after Vince tossed out his cables. How many miniature Typhoon jets did you throw at the Saudi monarch and what was the Wahhabi soup like? And why wasn't Bono there?
Martin Fax
Strategic Relations
Reigate
Mart, I was entirely appropriate at the Crown Ponce's pro-beheading bash. None of the whisky I supplied was left by the end and several fighter jets and armaments (to be used by conscripts and mercenaries) will be on show in Riyadh as soon as is likely.
Yours Thisly
Jonathan Thanking
Discretion Contracts
Guys,
If anyone were to jeapardise the special relationship II with Riyadh I'd personally punch them in the face, or have my lackey do it.
Nickles Soames
The face of The Saudi Aramco Mars Bar - petrochocolates for professionals
West Bath
Saloame, I will get someone to second that commitment to Saudi-UK duality when I tell them to.
Ronald Runcie-Phuck
Jesus Fellow
Drossing Associates
15 The Fonks
Rectaldown
Pradgechestershire
Christ's krinkle cats! You can only admire these corporate doings from afar
|
|
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 19 March 2008 )
|
|
|
Written by Jaspers Lee
|
|
Wednesday, 27 February 2008 |
The Church of Camewrong calls time on tolerance...
The Archbishopric of Canterbury is peopled by a person of no small cunning. The Conservative Party has itself inserted a wriggling little pish geyser in its Godhead. Bear with me dear readers, for this is a tale of reactionary symbiosis that even Freddy Forsyth would think twice about eating, regurgitating and eating again.
PAVING PSALM 3.9.6 (g) (Book of Aspirunt, Chapter 9): And highly lowly, Davidoff Camerung will use the Sharia winds to trade with the Fearmonger of Ludichrist, Chief High Docker Rowing Willyums. Meek listeners will be denied the bread in his basket but will be fully entitled to bespoke bigot reverie about strangers in the street and sensationalise the content of the Gourd of Diversish.
PAVING PSALM 4.12 (09) (Book of Pillockian, Chapter 0.3): Mildly did the gowned ponce in the glasses claim that he be a-feared of the House of Saracen taking sheep from his flock and not paying. Hardly will the words be out than the pantomimus patheticus will begin again and the barbed Melon of the Phillips will be thrust in the jaxonius canal of all who ignore this perilous one.PAVING PSALM 7.7.7.77 (Book of Quotas, Chapter Fun): And half of the Lord will judge this pastoral scene of institutional hectoring as a tale from the annals of the modern Churchie of olde Englandleton, to help divest in the market of the future that the other half of the Lord is loving with his right hand. Then a play with soldiers will be commissioned by He that is Starkey and spaken will it be in flowing languages of Gillinghamia.
|
|
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 27 February 2008 )
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Written by Trenta
|
|
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 |
...is a uniquely defamiliarising term to ascribe to the killing of five prostitutes, putting distance between person and place.
Ipswich was intrinsic to all of the ‘The Suffolk Murders'. While they may have all been buried in a radius around the town, the defendant lived in the town and all the dead used to. And also unlike the Yorkshire Ripper or other serial killer the agent is depersonalised to describe a collective incident. Why not the Ipswich Killer? Or if it turns out strangulation was the mode d'emploi, we could have the Ipswich Asphyxiator. Or, if you must go county, the Suffolk suffocator. Is this too sensationalist for our prudish press?
In our imagination East Anglia is an untouched Arcadia and Ipswich full of 'tractor boys' and maybe we don't want to urbanise the killings - putting the place in the bracket of all those horrible conurbations: let the wider county take the strain. Maybe it serves the purpose of many in Ipswich to broaden out the blame - nothing bad goes on in our county town; let's disperse the mess, sweeping it under our ignorance carpet while we're doing so. It's deceptive, and knowingly so.
Inadvertently, the mnemonic seeks to reaffirm other quaint notions about Suffolk. It may be the refuge of choice for many a succeeded mature professional (far out of London as they have no need to commute everyday), but we don't like outsiders here, particularly our own outsiders. They had to go, etc. And the outsiders see the same thing, and as Fiona Bruce tells us the latest from the court sigh with relief that they should never have reason to go there.
The commingling of place with nasty event defamiliarises in other ways too - putting it in pulp literary wonderland and again therefore issuing further distance from the facts. It insinuates meta terror like the Dunwich Horror - Dunwich also being Suffolk littoral - or sounds like an MR James short story with the county as a key character. This anti-empirical Suffolk is the Suffolk of the hyperreal, coastal imagination, rural fantasy.
Other than the phonetic facility with which the term rolls off the tongue of media people who need to work to the same phrase (like weapons of mass destruction or ‘palestinian gunmen'), it's unclear why this term is so unchallenged in relation to these killings, but it does its best to ignore a ghost in the room.
|
|
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 20 February 2008 )
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
The false idol of nepotism |
|
Written by DSM
|
|
Tuesday, 29 January 2008 |
Dashing Dave Cameron withdrew the tory whip and expelled nepotistic Old Bexley & Sidcup MP Derek Conway from the party as the row over his invisible researcher son deepened with allegations that public money also went to his older son to do bugger all too. After early support, this is an early indication that Dave buckles easily under media pressure, perhaps.
As the public learn to bankroll struggling banks in Brown's desperate struggle to avoid the semantically challenging ‘nationalisation', prepare to foot BAE projects and recost their lives to cope with the franchised and fucked rail network, it's grimly comforting to know we still fork out for political machinations on a micro level too.
Conway was accused of "at worst, a serious diversion of public funds" and suspended from the Commons after the standards and privileges committee upheld a complaint that he paid his son Freddie to work part-time for him as a researcher while he was studying at university.
The committee ordered Conway to repay the 'overpaid bonus sums' and pension contributions received by Freddie and recommended Conway make a personal apology to the commons. "There appears to be no evidence, independent or otherwise, of any aspect of FC's work for his father," said the committee. He thought it might be left there, but it wasn't and now those inner Kent constituents will be keen to select another candidate for the next election.
As an aside, the complaint was made by Michael Barnbrook, a retired policeman who stood against him as a candidate for the UK Independence Party, and is now a member of the British National Party.
The loveliness continues. We'll be able to thank stout yeoman of the bigots Mr Barnbrook during the London Mayoral elections in May - he's the BNP candidate.
|
|
Last Updated ( Friday, 15 February 2008 )
|
|
Read more...
|
|
| | << Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>
| | Results 1 - 7 of 179 |
|
|
|
Who's Online |
|
We have 5 guests online |
|
|
